You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
