i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My feet surprised me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
