Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
