so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
