fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
