My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
