My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
