His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
