i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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