there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
