i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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