he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
