I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
