I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
