My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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