Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
