yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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