The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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