I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
