He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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