dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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