my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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