since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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