She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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