I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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