I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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