Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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