I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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