I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
