My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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