You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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