She's JV to your varsity
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
