Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
