My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
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