I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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