roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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