as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
