so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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