Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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