i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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