it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
