no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
