woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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