dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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