Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
nutella sex= disaster
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
