You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
