We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
