I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
