This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
