Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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