genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
