her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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